Something I wrote back in the middle of May after a really rough day...
There is always joy in motherhood. But some days can just exhaust. The days where the almost- 3-year-old runs down a steep hill right next to a road and out of my reach and then runs into a big patch of weeds that very likely contain poison ivy and THEN runs right into the parking lot. Days when you take 3 young children to the zoo without a stroller. Days when you have lots of errands to run and a million places to go and it's hot out and everyone is tired. Days when the almost-3-year-old can't quite make it to the bathroom in time and poops all over the carpet just outside the bathroom door and you clean him up only to find he's no where near clean and you go to put him in the bathtub only to find that it's full of the clothes that you left soaking there last night after they got washed with muddy shoes. Those kinds of days are exhausting. Those are the days when I feel all used up - like there just isn't any more of me left to give. Those are the days that I just need to stop and rest. And yet, they still need and so often there isn't rest. The 5-year-old puts the flip flops back on your feet because he wants you to take him outside and that 3-year-old soaking in the bathtub is going to need to be scrubbed and then they'll need attention and dinner and very likely more baths and eventually bedtime will come.
Right now it all brings to mind just how exhausted Jesus was and yet he saw the crowds and had compassion on them. He put off his own rest and lovingly met the needs of those who surrounded him. Oh, Lord. Give me compassion. When I just want to scream (or when I actually do scream) remind me that you continually take such breathtaking compassion on me and give me the grace to lovingly look at the mess and put aside my own rest and have the compassion to meet their needs.
Showing posts with label Christian Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian Parenting. Show all posts
6.23.2012
1.31.2012
Big Questions & Another Reason
The fears set in for him so young. Tears in his voice, he asks us, "What if our Skidamarink gets very, very sick? What if he can't get better? What if he gets so hurt he can't be fixed and we lose him? I would be so sad if I lost my brother." He's concerned about the hole in the basement where the sump pump sits. Skid might fall in it. "You can fix it, Dad. So Skid and our baby don't get hurt."
He follows up his worries with the hope: "If Skid couldn't get better he would go to heaven and Jesus would give him a new body. But I would miss him."
My momma says he gets it from me - the always thinking serious thoughts. He and I were both old before our time. "You were 18 when you were 2," she tells me. Little child with grown-up questions.
Grandpa speaks words that feel like prophecy. He talks about our sweet little boy and his big questions, big faith, big understanding. He says he's special. He can see that God has big plans for our Cap. He is different. Grandpa says there is a reason our little guy is in such a hurry to grow up. He says this boy needs to grow up fast. Grandpa can't tell us why, but he feels this burden to tell us that there is a reason our little man will need such big faith. He exhorts us to tend this plant carefully so his roots will grow deep. He'll need deep, deep roots.
My mother's heart worries. Why will he need deep roots? Grandpa can't see it, but he feels there is something coming and I'm absolutely terrified of the storms that might be on the horizon. I want deep roots for him, but I would prefer him to be safe - to have a hold on the anchor but never face a storm that requires its use.
It's been a year since Grandpa called us to him, sat us down and spoke those words. I can't ignore them. They make me wonder, what do I need to give a boy like this? A boy with such big questions, such big fears, such big understanding? Is it a gift of time? Extra time to sit and grapple with the questions and the fears? Extra time to play so he can stay young and have rest and enjoy life without fears and questions always pulling? Extra time to take chances and be bold and strong and courageous so that he doesn't let the fears overwhelm? Extra time to ask questions of us and of God?
It's so clear that growing those roots is his most important work right now and I need to give him all the time he needs to grow them.
He follows up his worries with the hope: "If Skid couldn't get better he would go to heaven and Jesus would give him a new body. But I would miss him."
My momma says he gets it from me - the always thinking serious thoughts. He and I were both old before our time. "You were 18 when you were 2," she tells me. Little child with grown-up questions.
Grandpa speaks words that feel like prophecy. He talks about our sweet little boy and his big questions, big faith, big understanding. He says he's special. He can see that God has big plans for our Cap. He is different. Grandpa says there is a reason our little guy is in such a hurry to grow up. He says this boy needs to grow up fast. Grandpa can't tell us why, but he feels this burden to tell us that there is a reason our little man will need such big faith. He exhorts us to tend this plant carefully so his roots will grow deep. He'll need deep, deep roots.
My mother's heart worries. Why will he need deep roots? Grandpa can't see it, but he feels there is something coming and I'm absolutely terrified of the storms that might be on the horizon. I want deep roots for him, but I would prefer him to be safe - to have a hold on the anchor but never face a storm that requires its use.
It's been a year since Grandpa called us to him, sat us down and spoke those words. I can't ignore them. They make me wonder, what do I need to give a boy like this? A boy with such big questions, such big fears, such big understanding? Is it a gift of time? Extra time to sit and grapple with the questions and the fears? Extra time to play so he can stay young and have rest and enjoy life without fears and questions always pulling? Extra time to take chances and be bold and strong and courageous so that he doesn't let the fears overwhelm? Extra time to ask questions of us and of God?
It's so clear that growing those roots is his most important work right now and I need to give him all the time he needs to grow them.
1.08.2012
Scripture memorization
I was not a big fan of scripture memorization during the years I worked in children's ministry. It wasn't that I had something against the idea of memorizing scripture. I just didn't feel like it was a good use of time. I had my kids for 1-3 hours per week. There was lots I was concerned about teaching them in that very short amount of time. The vast majority (with a few exceptions) of the kids in my program weren't receiving any Christian education at home. Many of my kids came to church on their own - their parents weren't involved at all. Some of the parents & guardians were verbally non-Christian. Others came on Sunday mornings, but didn't take their faith any further. Those who actively discipled their kids at home were certainly in the minority. To me, that meant that my limited time with these kids was vital. I wanted them thinking. I wanted to devote the time to learning whole stories more than snippets. I wanted them to have some time to play together and look for opportunities of living out and working through the values they were learning. I didn't like the idea of memorization because I anticipated the rote learning of words and phrases that would not likely inspire deeper reflection in their day to day surroundings. They would parrot the verse back to me and not likely think much of it again. Most of them didn't have guides at home to help them realize the important of the words in their day to day experiences. So we didn't memorize scripture.
I still work in a volunteer role in children's ministry and we still don't memorize scripture. Yet, Cap has lots of scripture memorized. He started on his own by learning God Rocks! songs. Now the preschool curriculum we are using is centered around a weekly memory verse. So, why am I ok with memorization now? Because it doesn't stop at memorization. He learns the verse and we talk about it. Often. He's learning to think critically about his environment through the lens of the Bible. I bring up the verses he has learned in different scenarios. He claims he can't do something and we talk about the implications of Philippians 4:13. I don't just respond by saying, "Remember, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" We stop and really talk about what the verse means. There are things he can't do. He can't fly without a plane. But, with faith we have the promise that Christ will empower us to do all that he calls us to do. We pray about it. When he's not sure of the right decision in a given situation, we discuss Matthew 5:16: which choice is a way of letting his light shine? In these discussions, I've got a newfound love for memorizing scripture.
I still work in a volunteer role in children's ministry and we still don't memorize scripture. Yet, Cap has lots of scripture memorized. He started on his own by learning God Rocks! songs. Now the preschool curriculum we are using is centered around a weekly memory verse. So, why am I ok with memorization now? Because it doesn't stop at memorization. He learns the verse and we talk about it. Often. He's learning to think critically about his environment through the lens of the Bible. I bring up the verses he has learned in different scenarios. He claims he can't do something and we talk about the implications of Philippians 4:13. I don't just respond by saying, "Remember, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" We stop and really talk about what the verse means. There are things he can't do. He can't fly without a plane. But, with faith we have the promise that Christ will empower us to do all that he calls us to do. We pray about it. When he's not sure of the right decision in a given situation, we discuss Matthew 5:16: which choice is a way of letting his light shine? In these discussions, I've got a newfound love for memorizing scripture.
The Greatest Gift
"Mom! Look! There's a present hanging on the tree!"
I hadn't really expected him to find it yet. It was tucked in the branches and I thought we'd have to help them hunt. I wrapped the gift the night before. The box holds the baby Jesus from the kids' nativity. On Christmas morning we'll look for that present first. We'll unwrap it and hear the story and play with the nativity.
I tell him, "That's a very special present. It's the greatest gift you can ever imagine."
His eyes grow wide with excitement and the knowledge of something I'm not sure I grasp to this day. "Mom, God must be in that box!"
I gave him a big smile and a big hug and we talked about how Jesus really is the best gift.
Later as I retold that story to his father, the tears filled my eyes. What wisdom from such a little one. This child has big hopes of toys and special blankets and flashlights. He knows what he wants and he is all eager anticipation to find out what's under that tree. Not a morning goes by that he doesn't check his stocking to see if it's been filled.
And yet, with all of the stuff he wants, he knows. He knows without blinking an eye that the greatest gift imaginable isn't that Batman cave he really wants or a Transformer. He doesn't pause for even a second before proclaiming that the greatest gift he can imagine is God himself - Emmanuel.
God, grant that I may gain that insight and that he will keep that knowledge close to his heart as he grows.
I hadn't really expected him to find it yet. It was tucked in the branches and I thought we'd have to help them hunt. I wrapped the gift the night before. The box holds the baby Jesus from the kids' nativity. On Christmas morning we'll look for that present first. We'll unwrap it and hear the story and play with the nativity.
I tell him, "That's a very special present. It's the greatest gift you can ever imagine."
His eyes grow wide with excitement and the knowledge of something I'm not sure I grasp to this day. "Mom, God must be in that box!"
I gave him a big smile and a big hug and we talked about how Jesus really is the best gift.
Later as I retold that story to his father, the tears filled my eyes. What wisdom from such a little one. This child has big hopes of toys and special blankets and flashlights. He knows what he wants and he is all eager anticipation to find out what's under that tree. Not a morning goes by that he doesn't check his stocking to see if it's been filled.
And yet, with all of the stuff he wants, he knows. He knows without blinking an eye that the greatest gift imaginable isn't that Batman cave he really wants or a Transformer. He doesn't pause for even a second before proclaiming that the greatest gift he can imagine is God himself - Emmanuel.
God, grant that I may gain that insight and that he will keep that knowledge close to his heart as he grows.
12.05.2011
Grocery Store Encounters
He spotted us the second we walked in the door and commented on my Skidamarink's white-blonde hair. He had hair that color when he was a boy. Now it's grey. The man approached us from his spot by the oranges, asking Skid, "What's wrong with your ear? Did you know there's something behind your ear?" He pulls a quarter out from behind my boy's head. Skidamarink smiles and says thank you as the man hands him the quarter. The man chats about how when he was a boy he would ride the bus into town and watch a movie and eat "a bag of corn" and ride the bus home for a quarter. "Not much you can do with a quarter these days." He smiles and chats for a few minutes more about white-blonde hair and quarters. Then he hits us with his news: "I have to go to a funeral today. My daughter's funeral. Paren't aren't supposed to live longer than their children." And before I can say a word to him, he turns and walks away. All I can do is pray for him, so I do.
When Cap asks me in desperation, "Mom, why am I staying 4 forever?!?" I understand why he is frustrated. He's in a hurry to grow up. He says he wants to marry his friend from school and have a baby of his own and have whiskers just like daddy. And I know it's frustrating to wait so long to grow - to feel like you can't do anything important. But, when I think of the man with the quarter in the grocery store I know how important 4 and 2 and all of those young years are to the world.
The man didn't do much more than glance at me. He didn't ask my name and didn't offer his. I wasn't the one he needed to talk to. There are some gifts that can only come from children. I know that on that particular day - likely the worst of his entire life - he recieved a blessing from my boy. Skidamarink brought a smile to that man's face. He gave him a gift of joy and a memory of happy days. I couldn't have done that. But my sweet little 2-year-old did. God's loving embrace through the smile of a little blonde-haired boy.
When Cap asks me in desperation, "Mom, why am I staying 4 forever?!?" I understand why he is frustrated. He's in a hurry to grow up. He says he wants to marry his friend from school and have a baby of his own and have whiskers just like daddy. And I know it's frustrating to wait so long to grow - to feel like you can't do anything important. But, when I think of the man with the quarter in the grocery store I know how important 4 and 2 and all of those young years are to the world.
The man didn't do much more than glance at me. He didn't ask my name and didn't offer his. I wasn't the one he needed to talk to. There are some gifts that can only come from children. I know that on that particular day - likely the worst of his entire life - he recieved a blessing from my boy. Skidamarink brought a smile to that man's face. He gave him a gift of joy and a memory of happy days. I couldn't have done that. But my sweet little 2-year-old did. God's loving embrace through the smile of a little blonde-haired boy.
9.27.2011
Reason #2 - Flexibility
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm very often late. That's really hard for me to admit because it's probably the thing I like least about myself. I hate being late. I hate it so much that it is without a doubt the biggest stressor in my life. I've tried lots of different strategies, but even if I have the kids dressed and ready and all packed up for an outing hours early something will inevitably happen to throw a wrench in our plans and, despite all of my best efforts, we will be late.
When we are running late I am the worst version of myself. I get grouchy and overwhelmed and I go from the calm mommy to a growling monster. It's no fun.
Yesterday morning was growling monster day. Cap had school and due to a last minute potty break we were about 15 minutes late to school. Today is calm mommy day. We've spent the morning eating breakfast together around the table, reading a new Veggie Tales devotional Cap discovered and just chatting.
When I picture the potential mornings of sending all of our kiddos off to school, I don't envision mornings like this one. Instead I see growling monster mom and frustrated kids. That scares me. If the kids do go to school I will have precious little time with them. I really don't want those times to be stress-filled moments that we all dread. I'd much rather have the flexibility to spend our mornings enjoying each other as we go about the business of our day. (I'm much more productive on the mornings we don't have to rush out the door at 8.)
Being able to live a flexible lifestyle is a major reason that homeschooling appeals to me - and not just as it pertains to morning routines. I think there is a lot of wisdom in Phil Vischer's words in his book, Me, Myself & Bob:
As members of the United Methodist church, the potential of Jeff becoming a pastor means an even greater need for flexibility. Pastors in the UMC are subject to itineracy - meaning the leadership of the conference gets to choose where you will serve and when. Last I heard the average appointment for a pastor is around 5 years. That's a whole lot of uprooting for kids. Not to mention that pastors kids have a tough row to hoe as it is.
Whether Jeff ends up serving as a pastor or not, it seems to me that homeschooling would provide some stability for our kids. It would make frequent moves a little less traumatic. We could take mid-year breaks to go visit relatives and friends who live further away. Evenings that might be full of meetings and events wouldn't mean not getting to see Dad at all.
And beyond those freedoms there is the advantage of flexibility in day-to-day scheduling (Not feeling well today? We'll do it tomorrow. ), flexibility in subject matter (Find a tangent that's interesting and educational? Why not follow it?), flexibility in learning style (If one teaching method isn't working we can just try something else.) Education can be as fluid or as fixed as we want it to be. We can do whatever works for us. And that really excites me.
When we are running late I am the worst version of myself. I get grouchy and overwhelmed and I go from the calm mommy to a growling monster. It's no fun.
Yesterday morning was growling monster day. Cap had school and due to a last minute potty break we were about 15 minutes late to school. Today is calm mommy day. We've spent the morning eating breakfast together around the table, reading a new Veggie Tales devotional Cap discovered and just chatting.
When I picture the potential mornings of sending all of our kiddos off to school, I don't envision mornings like this one. Instead I see growling monster mom and frustrated kids. That scares me. If the kids do go to school I will have precious little time with them. I really don't want those times to be stress-filled moments that we all dread. I'd much rather have the flexibility to spend our mornings enjoying each other as we go about the business of our day. (I'm much more productive on the mornings we don't have to rush out the door at 8.)
Being able to live a flexible lifestyle is a major reason that homeschooling appeals to me - and not just as it pertains to morning routines. I think there is a lot of wisdom in Phil Vischer's words in his book, Me, Myself & Bob:
"If I am a Christian - if I have given Christ lordship of my life - where I am in five years is none of my business. Where I am in twenty years is none of my business. Where I am tomorrow is none of my business. So our plan at Jellyfish - and it's an odd one, I'll admit - is to make no long-range plans unless God given them explicitly."There is something reassuring in the idea of letting God make the plans, especially because I'm pretty clueless most of the time. But, even if I wanted to make long-term plans I couldn't. I have absolutely no idea what our lives will look like a few months from now, let alone in five years. My husband is a seminary student, working towards we have no idea what. There is a good chance he may end up as a pastor...or not. Who knows?
As members of the United Methodist church, the potential of Jeff becoming a pastor means an even greater need for flexibility. Pastors in the UMC are subject to itineracy - meaning the leadership of the conference gets to choose where you will serve and when. Last I heard the average appointment for a pastor is around 5 years. That's a whole lot of uprooting for kids. Not to mention that pastors kids have a tough row to hoe as it is.
Whether Jeff ends up serving as a pastor or not, it seems to me that homeschooling would provide some stability for our kids. It would make frequent moves a little less traumatic. We could take mid-year breaks to go visit relatives and friends who live further away. Evenings that might be full of meetings and events wouldn't mean not getting to see Dad at all.
And beyond those freedoms there is the advantage of flexibility in day-to-day scheduling (Not feeling well today? We'll do it tomorrow. ), flexibility in subject matter (Find a tangent that's interesting and educational? Why not follow it?), flexibility in learning style (If one teaching method isn't working we can just try something else.) Education can be as fluid or as fixed as we want it to be. We can do whatever works for us. And that really excites me.
9.20.2011
Even the bad days rock!
Yesterday was a really rough day. Cap had a really bad day at school. The teacher said he was "having trouble hitting", broke all of his crayons and was just angry all day. Both Cap and Skidamarink were grouchy on the walk home from school. Cap because I wouldn't stop to put his coat on in the 80 degree weather and Skidamarink because I wouldn't let him cross the street by himself. They both cried the entire way home. So we got home, I immediately put both of them in bed. The little one I watch arrived a few minutes later. His contribution to the chaos was an extremely messy, change-the-clothes-and-mop-the-floor dirty diaper.
By the end of the day I had a tear-stained face, three cranky children, baby food covered clothes, a dirty-diaper smell that I couldn't get rid off, a migraine and morning sickness. It was not a good day.
And yet...
For such a bad day it had some beautiful moments. Like when I was washing dishes and couldn't help but sit right down on the floor in the kitchen, scoop Skid up into my lap and cover him with hugs and kisses. Or the conversation I had with Cap about his day at school...
After he had rested for awhile, I called him back out into the living room to sit and talk with me. I asked him what had happened in school. He shared with me that a boy in his class had been hitting him and he started hitting him back. I have no idea if that's what happened. The school's policy seems to be not to disclose any information involving other students (A really frustrating policy when you only hear part of the story. There's a little difference in how I respond to hearing that my son is randomly hitting other students and how I respond to hearing that my son takes a swing at a kid who is continually hitting/pushing/bullying the girls in the classroom. I really don't want him hitting, but there is an significant difference in motivation here!)
We spent some time talking about how hitting is not good and how he should not hit others. We talked about how hitting feels and how important it is to think of how other people feel. And now comes the shining moment of the day: Cap broke down in tears saying, "Mommy, I want to repent!" (Phraseology that he picked up watching What's in the Bible?) He got down on his knees, buried his face in his hands and cried. I pulled him into my lap and asked if I could help him. I helped him find the words as we prayed together, asking God for forgiveness and for help treating others with love. Then I wrapped him up in a hug and just held him for awhile, giving him a tangible experience of forgiveness.
Those are the moments that make it all worth it. For awhile I struggled with my decision to stay at home with my kids and how it would look to others. Doesn't it make me look like a failure? I mean I'm a decently intelligent and capable woman. I got accepted into a highly selective pre-med program. I could have done something. It's moments like these that have taught me to have confidence in my decision. All of the baby poop, splattered food, noise, mess and chaos is more than made up for by those spontaneous moments of guiding my little living epistles to the Father. What more challenging, significant and breathtakingly honorable occupation could I ever have?
By the end of the day I had a tear-stained face, three cranky children, baby food covered clothes, a dirty-diaper smell that I couldn't get rid off, a migraine and morning sickness. It was not a good day.
And yet...
For such a bad day it had some beautiful moments. Like when I was washing dishes and couldn't help but sit right down on the floor in the kitchen, scoop Skid up into my lap and cover him with hugs and kisses. Or the conversation I had with Cap about his day at school...
After he had rested for awhile, I called him back out into the living room to sit and talk with me. I asked him what had happened in school. He shared with me that a boy in his class had been hitting him and he started hitting him back. I have no idea if that's what happened. The school's policy seems to be not to disclose any information involving other students (A really frustrating policy when you only hear part of the story. There's a little difference in how I respond to hearing that my son is randomly hitting other students and how I respond to hearing that my son takes a swing at a kid who is continually hitting/pushing/bullying the girls in the classroom. I really don't want him hitting, but there is an significant difference in motivation here!)
We spent some time talking about how hitting is not good and how he should not hit others. We talked about how hitting feels and how important it is to think of how other people feel. And now comes the shining moment of the day: Cap broke down in tears saying, "Mommy, I want to repent!" (Phraseology that he picked up watching What's in the Bible?) He got down on his knees, buried his face in his hands and cried. I pulled him into my lap and asked if I could help him. I helped him find the words as we prayed together, asking God for forgiveness and for help treating others with love. Then I wrapped him up in a hug and just held him for awhile, giving him a tangible experience of forgiveness.
Those are the moments that make it all worth it. For awhile I struggled with my decision to stay at home with my kids and how it would look to others. Doesn't it make me look like a failure? I mean I'm a decently intelligent and capable woman. I got accepted into a highly selective pre-med program. I could have done something. It's moments like these that have taught me to have confidence in my decision. All of the baby poop, splattered food, noise, mess and chaos is more than made up for by those spontaneous moments of guiding my little living epistles to the Father. What more challenging, significant and breathtakingly honorable occupation could I ever have?
7.13.2011
The most important consideration
I am a Christian who believes that every part of my life belongs to God. I don't always act like every part of my life belongs to God. I often hold on to my "independence" like a rebellious teenager. Still, I believe that God has something to say on every decision I am faced with. I have no business making decisions for my own life without following the lead of the one to whom I have given my life. (That doesn't mean I always turn my decisions over to God, just that I know I should.) I believe that God wants certain things from & for me and I believe that the path he would choose for me is the highest possible fulfillment of my life - his ways are the best.
Jeff and I are reading the book The Call by Os Guinness with a couple of friends. As I contemplated our discussion last night, I realized that while I have considered God's will for our boys' education, I haven't explicitly expressed the ways I feel God is working through this conversation. I want to take some time to do that because I honestly believe that what God wants is the most important consideration.
I have experienced calling. At different times God has revealed himself to me in a powerful way, shown me something about who I am created to be, and called me to action. I know that I am called to share the love of God with kids. I know that I am called to minister to the church (universal) which I see as broken in many respects. I knew very early in my relationship with Jeff that I would marry him. I experienced it as a call before I even knew much about him. Those things are an integral part of who I am - to deny them for me would be like denying the color of the sky. The best way I can think of to describe my experience of call is as an awakening. There have been moments in my life when suddenly God has shown me some part of myself. He has shown me parts of myself that have always been there that I didn't notice or understand before the call. Sometimes it's like having a really fuzzy idea of some truth without the ability to articulate that idea and suddenly it all comes into focus. Other times it's the experience of a hearing a completely novel idea and realizing that deep down I always knew it was true. It brings peace. It brings clarity.
I'm not a very confident person. I think my biggest struggle is for confidence. I second guess my self all the time. I'm usually pretty sure that I can't do something before I even try it. I hate confrontation and conflict, often because I lack confidence in my abilities or my decisions. I don't like to claim absolutes because there are few things that I am absolutely certain of. The things I am absolutely certain of coincide directly with my callings. I am absolutely certain that God is who he says he is and that he will do what he says he will do. I am absolutely certain that God has given me a special ability to minister to kids. I am absolutely certain that God has shown me ways the church is damaged and that he gives me strength to minister to some of those wounds. I am absolutely certain that I am called to be Jeff's wife. Despite my hatred of conflict, I stand firm upon these convictions and am more than willing to stand up for them.
I'm finding God in our discussion of homeschool. In fact, I'm finding that God led us into the discussion of homeschool. Honestly, my intentions were innocent - I didn't seek out this weird/against the norm idea of home education. It found me. As I've said, we discussed the idea casually before but never considered that we might choose to homeschool. Really, this whole conversation came about through a link to a page about nature scavenger hunts and my effort to help my "problem child" better transition between preschool classes. Now, suddenly we're on this incredible journey that seems to be making each of us a more fulfilled version of ourselves and holds promise for some wonderful life experiences.
Is God calling us to homeschool? I honestly don't know. But I do feel confident that he is leading us in the journey. He has shown up. He has revealed things that feel like an awakening - the sudden realization of things I couldn't see, but were always there - bringing peace and clarity. Though we don't want to make this discussion public until we are closer to a decision, I feel confident about this process of discernment. I know that, if this is where we are called to be God will give me the courage to stand up for a decision that will be extremely controversial. Maybe we won't end up homeschooling. Maybe it will become clear to us that we need to send our kids to public school or maybe that homeschool would be a good fit for one kid but not both. I have no idea where this is going. I do know that my eyes have been opened in new ways that will be beneficial for our family no matter where our kids go to school.
6.22.2011
The biggest decision so far...
We've been parents for 4 years now and we've faced lots of decisions in that time. Paci or no paci? How much tv can the boys watch? How will we deal with bad behavior? Some decisions have been easy and others have required much more thought, but none come close to the decision we are about to make. Captain Silly Wiggles is 4 years old. Next May he will be 5 and it will be time for Kindergarten. That means we have 1 year to make a decision about where Cap will go to school.
It seems so odd to me that there is anything to consider. Before I had kids, I never would have considered any option aside from public school. When Cap was born I was starting to think about different options, especially as I considered the ways the current educational model fails boys and met the first homeschool graduate I have ever known. But I never really considered there to be an option for us besides public school.
Over the last year lots of things have made me wonder about the best educational options for our boys. Here are the options as I see them right now:
Public School: We currently live in a really good school district, but I'm not altogether sold on public school for tons of reasons I'll get into in another post.
Private School: Cap currently attends a preschool program that is part of a K-12 Christian school.
Homeschool: Again, it seems so strange to even consider! As I write, homeschooling is where my heart is. I've got some reservations, but the more I research the more comfortable I feel. I'm eager to find out more.
Some combination: I know the private school I've mentioned has a program that works in conjunction with homeschoolers. Also, I've heard of some cyber schools, where students work from home.
One of the reasons I began this blog was to discuss the big decisions in parenting. This issue was the one that drove me to start writing. As my family goes through the process of making this decision, I want to document the things I find and the research I complete. Maybe they can be a help to someone else with the same questions I have. But, mostly I hope they are a help to me as, at the end of this process, I look back over what I've learned and try to make the right decision for us.
This Sunday I am sitting down with a good family friend who is the oldest child in a family of, I believe, 6, homeschooled children. I am extremely eager to get her perspective, get some pointers on good resources, and ask lots of questions.
It seems so odd to me that there is anything to consider. Before I had kids, I never would have considered any option aside from public school. When Cap was born I was starting to think about different options, especially as I considered the ways the current educational model fails boys and met the first homeschool graduate I have ever known. But I never really considered there to be an option for us besides public school.
Over the last year lots of things have made me wonder about the best educational options for our boys. Here are the options as I see them right now:
Public School: We currently live in a really good school district, but I'm not altogether sold on public school for tons of reasons I'll get into in another post.
Private School: Cap currently attends a preschool program that is part of a K-12 Christian school.
Homeschool: Again, it seems so strange to even consider! As I write, homeschooling is where my heart is. I've got some reservations, but the more I research the more comfortable I feel. I'm eager to find out more.
Some combination: I know the private school I've mentioned has a program that works in conjunction with homeschoolers. Also, I've heard of some cyber schools, where students work from home.
One of the reasons I began this blog was to discuss the big decisions in parenting. This issue was the one that drove me to start writing. As my family goes through the process of making this decision, I want to document the things I find and the research I complete. Maybe they can be a help to someone else with the same questions I have. But, mostly I hope they are a help to me as, at the end of this process, I look back over what I've learned and try to make the right decision for us.
This Sunday I am sitting down with a good family friend who is the oldest child in a family of, I believe, 6, homeschooled children. I am extremely eager to get her perspective, get some pointers on good resources, and ask lots of questions.
6.21.2011
How a jellyfish changed how I parent
Given the impact Jellytelly was having on my two boys - especially my Captain Silly Wiggles, I was thrilled when I learned about Jellyfish Lab's next project. The beloved puppet cast would be hosting a new DVD series called What's in the Bible? that would walk kids through the Bible from beginning to end. I already knew that the folks at Jellyfish had the ability to make the "drier" parts of Scripture accessible to children, so I anticipated a wonderful resource as this new project dug deeper into the books of the Bible. When our copy came in the mail, we stuck it in the DVD player as fast as possible. I loved it. I've seen lots of Christian Ed. resources, but I have never been so impressed as I am with the stuff currently coming from Jellyfish Labs. I knew it was going to be great for kids. I was surprised at how great it was for me! Watching WITB, I learned a ton and came away with a new hunger for reading Scripture. I couldn't wait to tell everyone I knew about this wonderful new tool.
The boys were a different story. They were pretty excited about the shiny new box with Buck Denver on the front, but the show didn't really hold their interest. They would wander in and out, stopping for a few minutes to watch and then moving on to play with a toy and coming back later to watch a little more. That was ok with me. Even if they didn't get anything from WITB yet, I was pretty sure it would come in very handy as they got older.
On with life.... Cap is what many would call a strong-willed child. He's a high energy, rough-and-tumble boy. He's a very logical thinker who doesn't do well with deviating from his idea of what is the right way to do things. He tends to get in trouble. A lot.
Last fall, my husband and I decided to enroll Cap in a nearby preschool program. Suffice it to say that he has not been the picture-perfect preschooler. It wasn't long before I could tell with a single glance at his teacher how the day had gone. If she made eye-contact with me when I walked in the door I knew he'd had a decent day. No eye-contact meant trouble. It wasn't very often that she looked me in the eye when I walked into the building.
Cap has been a tough kid to discipline. I've spent a lot of time around all kinds of kids. When I worked with kids I always enjoyed the kids that were "difficult". For any L.M. Montgomery fans, I enjoyed the Davies more than the Doras. Davies just need more help. Well, God knows best and he certainly gave me a little Davy: a horribly mischeivous, adorably sweet little boy. Most of his trouble came in the area of self-control: Why sit quietly and the table and do my work when I can make the other kids laugh? Why come when I'm called when I know the teacher will chase me if I run away from her? Why play neatly at home when it's so much more fun to dump the entire 2 lb. bag of rice on the floor and play in the mess? The difficulty with disciplining Cap is that he's fickle. Take away his favorite toy and he'll be distraught. Take it away the next time he's in trouble? He could care less. Take away all his toys? So what? For every discipline style we've used, Cap has pretty quickly met us with a "that's ok" attitude. He's not being defiant (usually). He just stops seeing the punishment as being a big deal.
In the midst of our struggle to guide our little Davy in the right direction, Cap actually came up with the answer to our problem. And with one little discussion, God used the Jellyfish to change the way I parent my boys.
At the time, going to the corner was the punishment of choice. It was a devastating blow that altered the course of bad behavior for the few months it was in use before Cap decided the corner was ok. On this particular day, time out was over and I came to sit by Cap and discuss the problem behavior with him. Before I could utter a word, Cap started the conversation:
A distraught little Captain Silly Wiggles: "Mommy, when I do what I want to do, choose myself over others and go my own way, that's called sin."
Flabbergasted Me: "You're right."
Cap: "Sin breaks my arrationship with God, because sin can't be near God."
Me: "That's true."
(Suddenly brightening up) Cap: "But it's ok because God has a rescue plan so we can be with him again!"
This conversation was a direct result, and almost a verbatim quotation, from What's in the Bible?. And everyday we were having the same conversation. Cap would get in trouble and he would initiate a heartfelt discussion about sin and how God saves us from our sin. When he made bad choices, we prayed together. When I shared this with his preschool teacher (a private Christian school) she decided to use the same methods in the classroom.
A lot of things changed with that little conversation in the corner. I learned that it's never too early to point our children to God. By giving them the opportunity to learn about God and the Bible in ways that speak to them, kids grow and flourish with the ability to think about God's place in all of the little aspects of their lives. They have the capacity to understand so much more of our story as God's people than we often give them credit for. From that day on I've been a lot more open with my kids about the meaning behind my decisions, letting them know that things I do with and for them are for the purpose of helping them grow into men that love God and love others. My motivations haven't changed, but our communication has changed drastically.
We now own all 5 of the What's in the Bible? DVDs that have been released to date. All of them are well loved by both of my boys. All of them have sparked discussions that I never would have imagined having with a preschooler. Everyday and all day long we are talking about what's in the Bible (and it's not me starting the conversations). Cap wants to know how God feels about this or that. He explains the nature of the trinity to little Skidamarink. He chats with his aunt about the dangers of apostasy and has a discussion on the life and times of Ishbosheth with the lady sitting behind us at church. He wants to know if grown-ups and people from the Bible have sinned and how they responded to their sin. He plays Captain Pete, spouting off important pirate terminology like Arrr, Shiver Me Timbers and Septuagint. He picks up his little guitar and sings songs about Deuteronomy and Leviticus for his friends.
He doesn't know this stuff because he's super smart or super spiritual. He knows this stuff because, through the creative works of What's in the Bible? and JellyTelly, the Bible has been made accessible to him. He has soaked up information about the story of God and his people. The things he has learned have shaped his thinking and given him a special lens through which to view the world. My little Cap is learning, as a 4 year-old, to look at the world from God's perspective. And that is certainly enough to make me gush about how much I love What's in the Bible?.
DVD 1 First 5 Minutes
The boys were a different story. They were pretty excited about the shiny new box with Buck Denver on the front, but the show didn't really hold their interest. They would wander in and out, stopping for a few minutes to watch and then moving on to play with a toy and coming back later to watch a little more. That was ok with me. Even if they didn't get anything from WITB yet, I was pretty sure it would come in very handy as they got older.
On with life.... Cap is what many would call a strong-willed child. He's a high energy, rough-and-tumble boy. He's a very logical thinker who doesn't do well with deviating from his idea of what is the right way to do things. He tends to get in trouble. A lot.
Last fall, my husband and I decided to enroll Cap in a nearby preschool program. Suffice it to say that he has not been the picture-perfect preschooler. It wasn't long before I could tell with a single glance at his teacher how the day had gone. If she made eye-contact with me when I walked in the door I knew he'd had a decent day. No eye-contact meant trouble. It wasn't very often that she looked me in the eye when I walked into the building.
Cap has been a tough kid to discipline. I've spent a lot of time around all kinds of kids. When I worked with kids I always enjoyed the kids that were "difficult". For any L.M. Montgomery fans, I enjoyed the Davies more than the Doras. Davies just need more help. Well, God knows best and he certainly gave me a little Davy: a horribly mischeivous, adorably sweet little boy. Most of his trouble came in the area of self-control: Why sit quietly and the table and do my work when I can make the other kids laugh? Why come when I'm called when I know the teacher will chase me if I run away from her? Why play neatly at home when it's so much more fun to dump the entire 2 lb. bag of rice on the floor and play in the mess? The difficulty with disciplining Cap is that he's fickle. Take away his favorite toy and he'll be distraught. Take it away the next time he's in trouble? He could care less. Take away all his toys? So what? For every discipline style we've used, Cap has pretty quickly met us with a "that's ok" attitude. He's not being defiant (usually). He just stops seeing the punishment as being a big deal.
In the midst of our struggle to guide our little Davy in the right direction, Cap actually came up with the answer to our problem. And with one little discussion, God used the Jellyfish to change the way I parent my boys.
At the time, going to the corner was the punishment of choice. It was a devastating blow that altered the course of bad behavior for the few months it was in use before Cap decided the corner was ok. On this particular day, time out was over and I came to sit by Cap and discuss the problem behavior with him. Before I could utter a word, Cap started the conversation:
A distraught little Captain Silly Wiggles: "Mommy, when I do what I want to do, choose myself over others and go my own way, that's called sin."
Flabbergasted Me: "You're right."
Cap: "Sin breaks my arrationship with God, because sin can't be near God."
Me: "That's true."
(Suddenly brightening up) Cap: "But it's ok because God has a rescue plan so we can be with him again!"
This conversation was a direct result, and almost a verbatim quotation, from What's in the Bible?. And everyday we were having the same conversation. Cap would get in trouble and he would initiate a heartfelt discussion about sin and how God saves us from our sin. When he made bad choices, we prayed together. When I shared this with his preschool teacher (a private Christian school) she decided to use the same methods in the classroom.
A lot of things changed with that little conversation in the corner. I learned that it's never too early to point our children to God. By giving them the opportunity to learn about God and the Bible in ways that speak to them, kids grow and flourish with the ability to think about God's place in all of the little aspects of their lives. They have the capacity to understand so much more of our story as God's people than we often give them credit for. From that day on I've been a lot more open with my kids about the meaning behind my decisions, letting them know that things I do with and for them are for the purpose of helping them grow into men that love God and love others. My motivations haven't changed, but our communication has changed drastically.
We now own all 5 of the What's in the Bible? DVDs that have been released to date. All of them are well loved by both of my boys. All of them have sparked discussions that I never would have imagined having with a preschooler. Everyday and all day long we are talking about what's in the Bible (and it's not me starting the conversations). Cap wants to know how God feels about this or that. He explains the nature of the trinity to little Skidamarink. He chats with his aunt about the dangers of apostasy and has a discussion on the life and times of Ishbosheth with the lady sitting behind us at church. He wants to know if grown-ups and people from the Bible have sinned and how they responded to their sin. He plays Captain Pete, spouting off important pirate terminology like Arrr, Shiver Me Timbers and Septuagint. He picks up his little guitar and sings songs about Deuteronomy and Leviticus for his friends.
He doesn't know this stuff because he's super smart or super spiritual. He knows this stuff because, through the creative works of What's in the Bible? and JellyTelly, the Bible has been made accessible to him. He has soaked up information about the story of God and his people. The things he has learned have shaped his thinking and given him a special lens through which to view the world. My little Cap is learning, as a 4 year-old, to look at the world from God's perspective. And that is certainly enough to make me gush about how much I love What's in the Bible?.
DVD 1 First 5 Minutes
6.16.2011
Our Introduction to the Jellyfish
I am a Christian who has always had a very big heart for kids. Before I had kids of my own, I taught Sunday School, worked in a church office, helped with youth ministries, directed VBS, and held a position as Director of Children's Ministries at our church. When I had my own kids it seemed obvious to me that my primary parenting motivation would be pointing my kids to God.
Before I met the Jellyfish, I had one son. Cap went to church when he was a week old and spent several days a week playing in my office at the church, playing in the nursery during programming, and worshipping with us on Sunday mornings. From the time he was born he heard that God loved him on a regular basis. He had three storybook Bibles and a cross hung on his wall. He loved it all and I thought things were going well. I knew that the most important thing I could teach my little guy was that God loved him. As a young child, Cap needed to know that church was a happy place to be where he was surrounded by people who loved God and loved him.
The tricky part of Christian parenting comes in the next stage. How do you point your children to God as they get older and capable of more comprehension? The hardest part of all seems to be introducing the Bible to kids. The storybook Bibles do a good job of highlighting some cute little stories from the Bible, but I'm not sure they always get it right. Sure, we can learn that God keeps his promises from the story of Noah. But is that what that story is all about? How do we teach children the Bible as a whole? The good book has some pretty messy parts. There's a lot of death and destruction. A lot of people making really bad choices. And there are those really tedious bits about genealogy and rules and specific instructions for building stuff. If I struggle with some of those things, how can I possibly share meaning from them with my child? I tend to think ahead. I didn't anticipate actually dealing with these aspects of the Bible for quite awhile with Cap. But, I figured by thinking ahead I would better know what to do when he was ready for more in-depth Bible reading.
Enter the Jellyfish. After watching VeggieTales with Cap and now newborn Skidamarink one day, I began to wonder what VT creator Phil Vischer was up to now-a-days. I knew that he was no longer running Big Idea Productions, the parent company of VeggieTales. So was he working on anything new? That's when I came across the Jellyfish. Jellyfish Labs - Phil's new company. I read a little on Phil's blog and found out about a project he was working on called JellyTelly. JellyTelly is a web-based mini-tv network for Christian kids. It looked interesting. I listened to Phil talk about why JellyTelly existed: to help kids who spent so much time surrounded by meaningless media know what they believed and why. Sounded great to me. Then I opened an episode. There was a puppet newsman who answered questions from kids: anything from silly to deeply theological. There was a puppet Sunday School teacher who taught about books of the Bible. There were puppet explorers who shared information about God's Amazing Animals and a puppet scientist who narrated old science films to share about God's wonderful creation. There was a puppet pastor who sang unknown hymns and defined big words. There was a puppet pirate that taught manners. Plus there were other, non-puppet programs: bands that played songs to teach kids about the Bible and faith, animated rocks that specialized in Scripture memorization, and more. I liked what I saw, but the content was definitely intended for an audience of older kids. My little toddler and newborn would be waiting awhile before they were old enough for JellyTelly. So I thought.
The next morning Cap, who had been sitting on my lap for my first perusal of JellyTelly, asked me if he could watch "computer Bible." In fact, he asked me if he could watch "computer Bible" every day. First thing in the morning he would climb out of bed and ask me to turn on JellyTelly. I let him watch whenever he wanted, but wasn't expecting him to be picking up much. Over the next few weeks I was amazed at the way the Bible was becoming real to him. He was learning things I didn't know until I was in high school. At barely two-years-old, he would pick up my Bible, flip through the pages, and name all of the books from Genesis to 2 Samuel. In order. What's the 10th book of the Bible? 2-year-old Cap could tell you! He knew that the book of Deuteronomy reminds us that "God gives you his best, give him your best, and you will be blessed." He would walk around the house singing God Rocks! songs that were really verses of scripture. Long verses of Scriptures. My 2 yo knew the 8 fruits of the Spirit. He could sing 1 Corinthians 13 for you. He was blowing me away, soaking up all the information on JellyTelly.
But, it was head knowledge . He memorized all of those things the same way he would eventually memorize colors and shapes and letters. (Yes, Cap knew the first 10 books of the Bible and what they were about before he could tell you if something was red or blue.) Still, I was excited about JellyTelly. Though Cap may just be memorizing information, I knew the things he had learned would be a doorway to some important conversations later on - much later on down the road. So I thought...
I think it was just before Cap turned 3 that we got our first What's in the Bible? DVD in the mail. WITB was the newest Jellyfish Labs project, aimed at teaching kids about the Bible as a big picture, with the help of our favorite puppets. Again, I figured it was way over Cap's head. Again I was proven wrong. JellyTelly had already influenced our life by introducing all kinds of new concepts to Cap. Now it was WITB's turn to shake things up.
Before I met the Jellyfish, I had one son. Cap went to church when he was a week old and spent several days a week playing in my office at the church, playing in the nursery during programming, and worshipping with us on Sunday mornings. From the time he was born he heard that God loved him on a regular basis. He had three storybook Bibles and a cross hung on his wall. He loved it all and I thought things were going well. I knew that the most important thing I could teach my little guy was that God loved him. As a young child, Cap needed to know that church was a happy place to be where he was surrounded by people who loved God and loved him.
The tricky part of Christian parenting comes in the next stage. How do you point your children to God as they get older and capable of more comprehension? The hardest part of all seems to be introducing the Bible to kids. The storybook Bibles do a good job of highlighting some cute little stories from the Bible, but I'm not sure they always get it right. Sure, we can learn that God keeps his promises from the story of Noah. But is that what that story is all about? How do we teach children the Bible as a whole? The good book has some pretty messy parts. There's a lot of death and destruction. A lot of people making really bad choices. And there are those really tedious bits about genealogy and rules and specific instructions for building stuff. If I struggle with some of those things, how can I possibly share meaning from them with my child? I tend to think ahead. I didn't anticipate actually dealing with these aspects of the Bible for quite awhile with Cap. But, I figured by thinking ahead I would better know what to do when he was ready for more in-depth Bible reading.
Enter the Jellyfish. After watching VeggieTales with Cap and now newborn Skidamarink one day, I began to wonder what VT creator Phil Vischer was up to now-a-days. I knew that he was no longer running Big Idea Productions, the parent company of VeggieTales. So was he working on anything new? That's when I came across the Jellyfish. Jellyfish Labs - Phil's new company. I read a little on Phil's blog and found out about a project he was working on called JellyTelly. JellyTelly is a web-based mini-tv network for Christian kids. It looked interesting. I listened to Phil talk about why JellyTelly existed: to help kids who spent so much time surrounded by meaningless media know what they believed and why. Sounded great to me. Then I opened an episode. There was a puppet newsman who answered questions from kids: anything from silly to deeply theological. There was a puppet Sunday School teacher who taught about books of the Bible. There were puppet explorers who shared information about God's Amazing Animals and a puppet scientist who narrated old science films to share about God's wonderful creation. There was a puppet pastor who sang unknown hymns and defined big words. There was a puppet pirate that taught manners. Plus there were other, non-puppet programs: bands that played songs to teach kids about the Bible and faith, animated rocks that specialized in Scripture memorization, and more. I liked what I saw, but the content was definitely intended for an audience of older kids. My little toddler and newborn would be waiting awhile before they were old enough for JellyTelly. So I thought.
The next morning Cap, who had been sitting on my lap for my first perusal of JellyTelly, asked me if he could watch "computer Bible." In fact, he asked me if he could watch "computer Bible" every day. First thing in the morning he would climb out of bed and ask me to turn on JellyTelly. I let him watch whenever he wanted, but wasn't expecting him to be picking up much. Over the next few weeks I was amazed at the way the Bible was becoming real to him. He was learning things I didn't know until I was in high school. At barely two-years-old, he would pick up my Bible, flip through the pages, and name all of the books from Genesis to 2 Samuel. In order. What's the 10th book of the Bible? 2-year-old Cap could tell you! He knew that the book of Deuteronomy reminds us that "God gives you his best, give him your best, and you will be blessed." He would walk around the house singing God Rocks! songs that were really verses of scripture. Long verses of Scriptures. My 2 yo knew the 8 fruits of the Spirit. He could sing 1 Corinthians 13 for you. He was blowing me away, soaking up all the information on JellyTelly.
But, it was head knowledge . He memorized all of those things the same way he would eventually memorize colors and shapes and letters. (Yes, Cap knew the first 10 books of the Bible and what they were about before he could tell you if something was red or blue.) Still, I was excited about JellyTelly. Though Cap may just be memorizing information, I knew the things he had learned would be a doorway to some important conversations later on - much later on down the road. So I thought...
I think it was just before Cap turned 3 that we got our first What's in the Bible? DVD in the mail. WITB was the newest Jellyfish Labs project, aimed at teaching kids about the Bible as a big picture, with the help of our favorite puppets. Again, I figured it was way over Cap's head. Again I was proven wrong. JellyTelly had already influenced our life by introducing all kinds of new concepts to Cap. Now it was WITB's turn to shake things up.
6.02.2011
My Letter to My Kids Part 9
Continued...
So, back to the original question, what do I most want to tell my kids in my letter to them? I think it’s something like this:
Dear B, Dear J
I cannot begin to describe just how much you mean to me. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. You have brought me so much joy and I am so glad that I get to be your mommy.
There are so many things I want for you, but mostly what I want is for you to be truly happy. You were created by the one and only God. He knows everything about you. He sees the best in you and the worst in you. He loves you more than any person will ever love you and he wants you to love him too. My great hope for your lives in that you will follow that God. Let him destroy the worst parts of you until you become the best versions of yourselves. The road will be long, difficult and painful, but the joy and peace you find will overwhelm you and make even the hardest parts of life beautiful.
I hope that you remember that there is no problem too big or too small for God to handle. When life is too much and your problems surround you, give them all to God. And never forget that every good thing comes from God. Give thanks to him for all of it. Remember that every human being is God’s beloved creation and treat them with love and respect.
I know that as you grow you and I will have our share of disagreements. And we’ll each make mistakes that hurt each other. For the mistakes that you make I will do my best to offer you love and forgiveness. Know that when I punish you I am trying to do all I can to help you on the road to becoming who you are created to be. And when the mistake is mine, I hope you remember that I never claim to be perfect and that I need love and forgiveness too.
Stay close to God, never stop praying, and take the Bible for the wonderful gift it is. And above all else, know that no matter what happens, God loves you. When it seems like you are so bad that no one could love you, God loves you. When you are disappointed in yourself and the choices you’ve made, God loves you. When it seems like everything goes wrong for you and life is just too hard, God loves you. Let his love carry you through the worst times and into the great things I know he has in store for you.
Love,
Your Mom
My Letter to My Kids Part 8
Continued...
To Be Continued...
Our lives must be rooted in prayer. Do our kids ever see us pray? Are we teaching them that prayer is a few hurried words spoken at bedtime and dinner? Do they know that God hears their prayers at when they feel unprepared for their math test and at when their friend is mad at them? Do we teach them not only to talk to God about their fears and failures but also their victories and joys? Do we pray for them and do they know it?
When B spent most of the school year getting in trouble and refusing to participate, my first response was to discover the problem and fix it, my second response was to punish. We went through lots of really creative discipline before I realized the first and most important thing I needed to do was pray with and for him. Our God, who keeps all of his promises, has promised us that if we ask him for what we need, he will give it to us. Prayer needs to be our first response in life, not our last effort.
All in all, we have to take Moses’ words to heart. We remember and proclaim with him that the Lord is our God. The Lord alone! We will not serve anyone or anything else. We love God with all of our being and acknowledge that our love for God is the most important thing about us. And we do everything we can to make sure we never forget to put God above everything else and to love him completely. We make sure our kids know what we believe and why, we never stop talking about the great love our God has shown us and we surround ourselves with reminders of that love.
As parents, it’s easy to get drawn into the idea that we have to prepare our kids for life as adults. We worry about them not doing well in school, being involved in too many or too few extra-curricular activities, having too few good friends. What will become of them? It’s easy to fret over how the decisions we make now will affect their futures. But it is absolutely vital that we realize that our most important role is preparing our children to make the most important decision of their lives: to follow Jesus or to deny him. Our children’s happiness doesn’t hinge on our far-flung dreams for them. All of us here know that our kids can be happy without being doctors or lawyers or professional athletes. They can be happy even if money isn’t always easy to come by and people disappoint them. But their happiness is absolutely dependent on the choice they make for or against God and the effect that choice will have on the rest of their eternal lives. Living our lives in such a way that we bring glory to God is unequivocally the very best thing we can ever do for our kids.
The same thing hold true for us as a congregation. We have a responsibility to point everyone we come into contact with to God. We have to talk openly and honestly about the great things our God has done for us. And we have to make sure that everyone of us knows what we believe and why we believe it. In all of our lives let us remember Jesus’ promise to us that if we seek first the things of God, if we make following him the most important thing we do, he will supply all of our needs abundantly.
To Be Continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 7
Continued...
To Be Continued...
We need more, though. If we are going to share our faith with our kids we have to remember the bigger picture. Each of us gathered here make up one part of a story that began when God created light and will continue for eternity. We can’t just tell them about our experiences, we have to tell them the whole story of God’s people. Hopefully we would all agree that the Bible is the most important book ever written. We talk in church about reading our Bible and praying every day. An old Sunday-School song reminds us that if we do we will grow, grow, grow. But, ignore our Bibles, forget to pray and we’ll shrink, shrink, shrink. We desperately need the Bible. Bibles are pretty good and sitting on our shelves and collecting dust. But opening them changes everything. The Bible tells us who we are, who we have been and who we will be. It’s so much more than a book full of words. “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thought and attitudes of the heart.” None of life can really make sense without the Bible – the story of God’s people. We need to know that story, because it is our story. We need to hear God’s promises to us and hear daily what God requires of us. Without the Bible, we run the major risk of living an empty faith. Without the Bible we forget exactly who Jesus was, what he did for us and what he wants from us and for us.
To Be Continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 6
Continued...
To Be Continued...
In our society today there are two things you are never supposed to talk about in polite conversation – religion and politics. We’ve been told so many times that talking about our faith is taboo that it’s often difficult for us to honestly share what God is doing in our lives even in the safety of our home and our church. And yet, we have to talk about it. The reason for those scary numbers of young people walking away from the church is that they don’t really know what they believe or why they believe it. They graduate, leave home, encounter people who challenge their faith, and everything they have ever believed is taken out with one blow. We need to make sure our kids know exactly what we stand for and why. We must make sure that this body of believers provides fertile ground for the seeds of faith God plants in us and in our children to grow strong with deep roots that aren’t blown away in a breeze. But it is overwhelming to think about really teaching all that we believe. The author of one of my husband's seminary textbooks suggests a good starting place. David deSilva writes:
A grateful heart is the source of evangelism and witness, which is perhaps most efficiently done as we simply and honestly give God public praise for the gifts and help we have received from God. Perhaps some shrink from evangelism because they think they need to work the hearer through Romans…Begin by speaking openly, rather, about the favor God has shown you, the positive difference God’s gifts have made in your life: tell other people facing great need about the One who supplies every need generously (143)
Our faith is not primarily taught in a pew on Sunday morning or even in a Sunday School classroom. The lessons I learned about God as a child were taught in informal conversations while going for drives with my Grandpa, watching my Grandma work hard to give gifts to those in need and witnessing my grandparents smile and reassure the people that gathered for their loved-ones funerals, telling them how excited they were that the person they loved was with Jesus. Moments like these speak volumes to our kids.
To Be Continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 5
Continued...
The first part in fulfilling my responsibility of teaching my kids the way is looking at my own life. What am I teaching them through my words, behaviors and actions? If I have really chosen Jesus as my Lord, my master, does my life show it? Do I live as though I trust God to fulfill all of my needs or do I live as though it’s up to me to take care of myself? Do I make my decisions based on what others will think of me or do I make my decisions with the goal of pleasing God alone? Do I live as though God is just God on Sunday mornings, or do I live a life that displays that he is my God every second of every day? Do I carry the burdens of the world on my shoulders, as though without me no one could function, or do I live my life on my knees asking God to take control?
A lot of times my own answer to these questions is not what I would hope, which begs another question…Do I look for excuses for all of my shortcomings, holding onto the pretense that I’ve got it all under control, or do I humbly admit that I am a flawed and sinful person in need of the grace and forgiveness of God and people and that it is only the blood of Christ that enables me to hold my head up at all? The choice we make on Monday when the mortgage is due and we’re not sure we can make the payment; on Tuesday when no one does their chores at home; on Wednesday when a co-worker makes us angry; on Thursday when everything goes our way; on Friday when we feel like no one really cares about us; on Saturday when we have way too much to do; on Sunday when we do not want to get up and go to church - those decisions will teach our children something and we are responsible for what we teach them. As followers of Christ, we have discovered that life is nothing without Jesus. We must live every day of our lives in a way that makes our dependence on him very evident. We need to make the words from Psalm 19 our prayer for every moment of our lives: “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Lord.” May every single word we say and every single thought we think please our God.
To Be Continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 4
Continued...
To be continued...
Still looking at those numbers, it’s pretty easy to keep the conversation impersonal – to keep the focus off of me. It’s not my fault all those kids are walking away. The church is doing something wrong. We could talk about how we make up the church together and so the problem is ours too. But, it doesn’t really hit home for me until I realize that I am responsible to God for the things I teach my boys. At some point in their lives they will make their own choice for or against God. As much as I may want to, I cannot make their choice for them. But I can uphold the vows I took when my boys’ were baptized: I can “nurture them in Christ’s holy church that by my teaching and example they may be guided to accept God’s grace for themselves, to profess their faith openly, and to lead a Christian life.” And as a member of Christ’s body I can uphold the vows I took at the baptism of every other child I have had a part in: “to proclaim the good news and live according to the example of Christ. I can surround these children in a community of love and forgiveness, that they may grow in their service to others. I can pray for them that they may be true disciples who walk in the way that leads to life.” For all of these children I can do all in my power to “increase their faith, confirm their hope, and perfect them in love.”
I am responsible to God for the things I teach my children and together we are responsible for the things we teach our children. It doesn’t matter how the lesson is taught, often what we do is so much more powerful that what we say. Around the time J was born, life was sort of hectic for me. I had a two-year-old in the midst of potty training, a newborn baby that needed round-the-clock care, and a husband who was working long hours far from home. It was a really difficult time. I was juggling all of my own work, trying to do all the things my husband normally took care of at home, and working harder than ever to make sure that the few hours he spent at home were peaceful and fulfilling for all of us. That time was frustrating and exhausting. I didn’t realize the power of what I was teaching to my kids during that time until B started imitating me. When he was faced with something unpleasant, he would respond with the same attitude I displayed in similar situations. If he had to do something he didn’t want to do, he would let out a groan of anger and despair. When one of his toys wouldn’t cooperate, he would throw his hands in the air and cry out, “I can’t do this!” Watching him follow my bad example was really humbling.
To be continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 3
This is part of a sermon I recently gave...
To be continued...
I can hear the passion in Moses’ voice as he speaks to the Israelites, preparing them to enter the promised land:
Hear, O Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. You shall love the LORD your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your might. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
And there it is: the one absolute truth we can give our kids to hold on to. When all around our soul gives way, when we don’t have our health, when our finances are a mess, when we feel like there is not a soul on earth who loves us, when all the ground of life is sinking sand, we have a solid rock to stand upon: God and only God is in control. At the end of the day we can confidently encourage our kids to follow that dangerous man named Jesus, because we know that even though it may be the most difficult and painful journey they could choose, it is the only one that can ever fulfill them, the only choice that will ever give them true happiness. As Christians, we have the best gift possible to share with the children in our midst. We have that ever-elusive secret of life. My favorite wording of that great secret is the paraphrasing of John 3:16 by Aaron Tate of the band Caedmon’s Call: “For you so loved the unlovable that you gave the ineffable, that whoso believes the unbelievable will gain the unattainable.” We have the great news that God loved us so much that he made us to be with us and gave us every good thing we would ever need. That even when we turned our backs on him and decided to do things our own way, he loved us. He loved us so much that he sent his son to us - knowing that we would reject him, mock him, kill him. That even in that worst of all moments, his love for us was so strong that he fought for us, defeating the one thing that scares us most – death – and making the path clear for us to live forever with him as he always meant for us. As Christians, we know the one thing that really makes this life worth living – not just that we have an eternity to spend with our God, but that our eternal lives have already begun. Jesus walks with us here and now, bringing beauty from ashes, strength from fear, gladness from mourning, and peace from despair.
This is the wonderful gift we have to pass on to our kids, but as the church it is so easy to despair. 65% of kids are dropping out of the church as soon as they graduate from high school and studies show that people of my generation aren’t coming back to church when we start families as many of our predecessors did. Our culture is becoming less and less Christian and, alarmingly, more and more anti-Christian. At first glance, these statistics scare us because we, the Church, need our kids. They are our future, right? One day they will have to step up and fill our committees and manage our finances. It will eventually be their job to run the business of the church.
But if we look deeper we see that the church was not created to be a business. There may be business-like things to accomplish, but I have a feeling they mostly all fall under the category of things Jesus tells us not to worry about. And while the church wasn’t created for the business of being in business, we also don’t exist for the simple cause of passing on traditions, a community framework or even a building. God has much bigger things in store for us. And if we aren’t careful we come dangerously close to saying that the great tragedy of the church’s 65% dropout rate is that our pews are looking empty. When the real heart-breaking issue is that 65% of American high school graduates are walking away from one of the most important and sacred gifts God have given us – the body of Christ and the even greater tragedy is that many of them are walking away from faith in Jesus altogether.
To be continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 2
This is part 2 of a sermon I gave recently...
It’s a pretty big risk as a parent to raise our kids to be Christ-followers. It runs counter to our instinct of protecting our children. If we’re honest, reading the New Testament can be a pretty big shock. Jesus and the epistle writers make some pretty challenging statements about what following God will mean for us. One of the biggest challenges is our gospel reading today. (Matthew 6:24-34) As adults, we have to be the responsible ones. We make sure everyone else eats and has the material things they need. Not only that, but we do our very best to make sure our kids are ready to take over those responsibilities for themselves. Sometimes all of parenting can feel like it’s preparation for the day when our kids will feed and clothe themselves. And secretly we worry that they won’t be able to.
In the face of all that hustle and bustle, responsibility and worry, Jesus tells us to stop. It’s really counter-intuitive: You just focus on God and he’ll take care of the rest. And instead of just politely saying he plans to take care of us, he calls us out: either you are devoted to me and money is nothing to you, or you are devoted to money and I am nothing to you. You can choose what you pursue, but you have to make a choice. You can’t serve us both.
And in God’s typical “foolish wisdom” it really makes sense, because while I don’t want my kids to ever want for anything. I know that if I send my kids in pursuit of a financially independent lifestyle chances are that no amount of money will ever satisfy them. They will always need more. Money never makes anyone happy. And if I’m honest, those other dreams I have for my boys don’t really fulfill the goal of happiness either. No matter how much education they receive, their knowledge alone can’t give them true happiness and there will be times when the people who love them the most let them down or cause them pain. And now the picture is looking pretty grim. What meaningful life advice can I give them?
To be continued...
My Letter to My Kids Part 1
This series of posts comes from a sermon I recently gave in my church. It's a little lengthy, so I'll split it up. :)
As a parent, I happen to think my kids are pretty great. I could talk about them for days and tell all kinds of stories that I think are wonderful, cute and funny. I am fully aware that those stories are never as wonderful, cute and funny to other people as they are to me. Maybe some of them aren’t wonderful, cute or funny to other people. But still, as a parent, I love to talk about my kids. They occupy a lot of my thought. Beyond that I’ve always been a kid person. For most of my life I’ve thought about things through the lens of how they affect kids. A big part of the call God has placed on my life is to serve children. So, as I talk about my kids and my experience as a parent. I want to make it clear that I’m not just talking to parents of young children. Each of us has kids in our lives. If we don’t have young kids we are responsible for, we have grandkids, nieces, nephews, neighbors, and friends, including, but not limited to the kids that are a part of our church family. So as I talk about my experience with my kids, I would ask all of you to think about the kids in your life, no matter what your relationship to them is.
In my boys’ baby books there are pages for a letter from Mommy and Daddy. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I hate to leave blanks. But I still haven’t written a single word on that page in either of my boys' baby books.
That page is such a challenge for me. How do I sum up all that I want for my children and all that I want to tell them into the few sentences that will fit onto an 8 ½ x 11 sheet of paper? What are the most important things I can tell them? What do I want most for my kids?
It’s not a difficult question to answer. Each of us wants the kids in our lives, whether they be our kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, or friends to be happy. As much as possible we want to protect them from heartache and pain. Most of us have some dreams that go along with our concern for their happiness. Before they are born we have our own plans for them. We expect our kids to be great. We dream of star students, great athletes and talented musicians. We want our kids to grow up to become well-adjusted adults with high-paying, prestigious professions. Of course, when the time is right, they will fall in love with the perfect person and give us the perfect grandkids and we will all live happily-ever-after. Sure, we know when we start our dreaming that there will be some bumps along the way. But we want their paths through life to be as easy and guarded as possible.
I could fill my boys’ pages with my aspirations for their lives and advice on how to fulfill them. After all, there’s nothing altogether wrong with my (admittedly far-fetched) dream that my boys will eventually earn full-ride scholarships to the school of their choice (not too far away, of course) and after earning their degrees (one in biology and the other in physics) my oldest will go on to play baseball for the St. Louis Cardinals and my youngest will become a Green Bay Packer. Along the way they will have easy lives, free of financial woes and surrounded by people who love them. And of course I get at least 10 grandkids out of the deal.
But still, those hopes of mine can’t be the words I choose for their letters. If I boil it down, what I’m really wishing in that scenario is that they have easy lives. But I know that easy can be a very far cry from fulfilling. And I’ve learned through my own experience and the stories of others that if I’m looking for an easy path for my kids I’d be better off finding something else for them to do on Sunday morning and keeping them as far away from Jesus as I can. He tells us up front that following him is not easy. In fact, it’s incredibly difficult.
William Willimon is a former dean of the chapel at Duke University Haiti
To be continued...
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